Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Cool run-ins


Cartman Hitler from free-extras.com



And I said to him,

'Barney, what the fuck did you think you were playing at? What was the last thing I said before I shot you full of Moggydon and shoved you in your Pet-a-Porter? No Barney. The Tories. I said keep the Tories out of Downy Street. Yes, I'm sure the nets you had put up will come in handy. Perhaps for catching all those asteroids!'

People of Britain. We apologise. Best of a bad lot and all that. It's only the second worst thing that could have happened. How they're going to tell each other apart physically is a mystery. I guess they'll do it with a series of coded mood ties. Time to move on.

To wit. We are thinking that since neither the Decameron nor the Clegghorn have been in leadership roles before, they might benefit from research done by some forward-thinking BYTs at cash-starved West Midlands Strategic Health Authority who decided to cheer up their overworked and under-resourced staff with a fun survey. The London Times reports,

It was a question that left NHS staff gasping in disbelief: the survey wanted to know how “cool” they would rate Adolf Hitler, on a scale of one to five.
'Way cool. Wah hey! Well, gotta know the en...' Barney, will you shut the fuck up! Haven't you done enough damage? Have you not heard of political correctness? Conceded, but shut the fuck up anyway, just to be on the safe side.

Workers were also asked to rate the “coolness” of other leaders including Richard Branson, Gordon Brown, Winston Churchill and the England football team manager, Fabio Capello. The survey, entitled Making Leadership Cool, is part of
a £10,000 project that will help the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority to devise a new leadership strategy.


Hey? Aren't these all mad, greedy old white guys? And aren't they all dead? And if they're not, shouldn't they be?

The questionnaire was circulated to all 3,300 workers at West Midlands Ambulance Service last month after two paramedics applied for a bursary to carry out the survey. The authority will use the results to develop a “leadership development programme”.


Ahh. Well that certainly clarifies matters. Well done those paramedics. Just as a matter of interest, where did you get the survey commissioned? Kiev?

Staff were asked to rate Ian Cumming, chief executive of the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority, on a scale of one to five. They were also asked if being gay, funny or black made a leader cool.


Oh, I see. So it's all about the low water mark. I'm giving him a five, assuming Mr Cummings is gay, funny and black. If not, take off one mark for each missing attribute. Some employees didn't see the funny side, including former ambulance worker Steve Jetley, who told The Times,

An ambulance is operating in Shropshire with more than 300,000 miles on the clock.


Point taken Steve. I certainly wouldn't want that ambulance doing my hip replacement. A spokesperson for the West Midlands Ambulance Service told The Times,

The project sought to discuss different styles of leadership and the characteristics of leadership to help staff at all levels develop their careers. Staff were asked to look at different leadership styles, and one of those was a dictatorial style.

Adolf Hitler’s style galvanised a country into terrible things but it did galvanise a country. Perhaps, in hindsight, a better example could have been used.


Well, isn't that the classic half-empty/half-full dilemma?

Barney? Who are you calling?