Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tats for the memories

Wake up and smell the coffee by Pants

It must be tough being one half of a broken celebrity couple. So much to do, so little quality time to spend with one's new cage-fighting or lapdancing perfect partner. While Katie Price and Alex Reid were off house hunting and gearing up for the wholesome pursuit of 'starting a family', Katie's most recent ex Peter Andre trudged the well-worn path to the de-tattooist to have his devotional body engraving removed. In showbizland, 'forever' is a word that means two kids, a reality TV show and a mortgage in the tens of millions. After you've achieved all that, there is nowhere else to go.

According to this report in Melbourne's Herald Sun, the perky ex-popstar and latent house husband has been spotted in Brighton enjoying a post-operative coffee, his freshly lasered sore finger encased in a plaster. His freshly lasered what? You mean the legendary gymbot didn't get the name of his beloved Katie etched onto one of his bulging biceps or pulsating pecs? No wonder the marriage failed.

He needn't have had the whole thing removed. He could have gone down the Johnny Depp route and had it shortened to Ka. Then he could have hit up Ford for sponsorship. Depp famously had his 'Winona forever' tat abbreviated to 'Wino forever'. Only problem here is if he goes on the wagon. Angelina Jolie didn't get quite so lucky. There was nothing anyone could do then, or indeed now, about 'Billy Bob' other than erase him completely.

You'd think that given the built-in obsolescence of celebrity marriages, someone would have come up with a time limited version of the tattoo. You could have the basic three-year model for the Katies and Petes who are in the two kids cycle or a Nic and Lisa Marie special which washes off after three months. Sounds like a business opportunity to me. I'd better get to work on my curlicues.