Thursday, September 06, 2007

Klimptomania - Elegant on Wednesday



In Vienna last year I discovered that painting like Gustav Klimt was one of loads of things I want to do before I die. Why is life so damned short ... and why does almost everyone feel obliged to waste so much of it on your behalf? It being the perfect time of year for Vienna, I took loads of kodaks (forgive the Cloud Atlas speak – why change the habit of a lifetime just because someone puts it in a book? Actually that happens to me a lot. I really think someone is stealing my thoughts). Yes ... I took loads of kodaks of beautiful Viennese gardens and then supplemented my portfolio with lovely blossoms from our own dear Eden Project, thinking I’d one day sit down in my own far garden of Banskia men and bottle brush and recreate the wondrous colours of gentle Europe.


Klimt was way ahead of his time, pipping Demis Roussos to the caftan by at least half a century. This is the kind of garment I can imagine retiring in – in the not too distant future as it happens. Hard as it now is for me or you, I’m sure, to conceive I’ve had my moments of sustained elegance. Fortunately there are photos and one or two works d’art to verify and not too many to support the converse as I simply won’t allow them. There’s even a rather large nude of me kicking around somewhere. I google the artist who painted it every six months or so just to make sure she hasn’t become very famous. I’d prefer the artists whose work I actually own to get there first for any number of reasons. No offense C. I love your stuff.

It’s only fairly recently I gave up washing and styling my hair every day. A friend told me you don’t need to wash your hair at all but I find my head gets itchy after three or four days. Maybe I just need to condition it in a non-product kind of way. Klimt had his moments of elegance too. He was easily the best dressed of the Vienna Successionists in the famous photo from 1902 which I have in a book but can't be bothered to scan so you'll have to trust me.

I find it much easier to accept that life goes in phases since I’ve had the opportunity to experience a few of them now. Would it be bratty to suggest that the bad ones might be over rather sooner and the good ones last a little longer? I can picture myself in a scratchy caftan cradling Barney the hypoallergenic owly-cat who has finally agreed to emigrate to Australia. I haven’t mentioned the snake situation and I would appreciate it if that stays between us for the moment. One can only imagine what a snake would make of Barney. Might it have a ‘can’t mix carbs with protein’ moment or just swallow and worry about the consequences later, like Paris Hilton. There’s a time and a place and once Barney’s there he won’t easily find his way back to Hackney.

All that aside, I’ve completed my first Vienna work and am quite interested in starting a neo-Successionist movement if anyone’s interested. Anything that assumes success has to have an edge right? Since I started painting in the impressionist style I’ve had the most amazing revelation. I think the Impressionists were all short-sighted. I say this only because when I did this painting, I forgot to put my contact lenses in. Believe it or not, it started out as a representational work. They say the best art is accidental and my God, have I just proved that, in my own humungous opinion of course. As always, I trust you to be the judge.

I therefore present to you Vienna in Bloom by Pants – inspired by Gustav Klimt.

27 comments:

NMJ said...

hey pants, i have no idea how you did this (art is another world to me), but i love it. beautiful colours.

can i also just say i love the cover of 'the full english'?

i am fiendishly tired & can't read your chapters just now (my own are consuming me with copyedits & such like), but re. the 'hi, i'm ben', i am making no judgements (not yet), just want to say that i understand that it is so tough when you are urged to part with words that you love and can't even explain why you love them and must keep them.

also, you should know that anna mr and i had a conversation about barney your owl-cat when i was visiting her. anna was saying how much your previous post about barney had made her laugh, and i was saying that i really didn't know if barney was hypoallergenic.

sometimes, i take things very literally and am not sure where the truth lies.

so please tell me, pants, is he?

x

That's so pants said...

Hi NMJ

Thanks so much. The Pants mystique - what can I say - blurring the boundaries is pretty much what it's all about. Suffice to say there is usually an element of truth there somewhere. That picture is actually my own work. I always attribute others.

The wonderful painting by Mike Wade is a very real original which I am fortunate to have in my possession and I do have his permission to reproduce it on the blog. I'm so glad you like it. If The Full English finds a publisher I really hope it is the cover. I agree, it's fab.

You and Anna MR discussed... in Helsinki... Pants is Global - well at the very least the top bit of it! I'm dining out on that forever.

Thank you both.

xxx

Pants

Andrew said...

Works for me Pants. That is once I got the size right. I wonder what my printer would make of it if I tried to print it out? Inbuilt copyright protection!

That's so pants said...

Hi Andrew

Yes, of course. I'm like one of those M15/6 type people, except arty. You'll decode me!

xxx

Pants

R.H. said...

It's nice, I'd like it as wallpaper, but then I love colour, bright colour, and Las Vegas.

R.H. said...

My daddy took me to Luna Park, before I could even talk, and as a cover for himself, and it was the lights, the colour, the noise; I loved the noise.

R.H. said...

ROLLERCOASTER.
Senor Valequez, on the way to his execution,
Paused to admire the beautiful view.
For he was an artist, more than a living man.
An artist,
To no end.

-Robert.

That's so pants said...

Hi RH

Nice thoughts. As always

xxx

Pants

Reading the Signs said...

Pants, I think you must be the closest I know to Renaissance Woman. I know nothing about Art except whether I like something or not. And I like this - I enlarged it, but it looks good both ways.

Janejill said...

Dear Pants You are just too talented . (really)
I assumed Barney WAS Hypoallergenic as I'd read this can be bred in? Was I being stupid? I am looking forward to returning to the Bloggy places - a missing dimension to my sad little life (poor me) At least I have a little clever companion -Theo , a beautiful bengal,loves my cursor so this page will disappear very shortly..xx

That's so pants said...

Hi Signs

Thanks. I'm very glad I went mad with taking flower pictures last year when there was a decent summer in most of Europe. I have a great store to work with in future.

Hi Jane Jill

Nice to see you. Barney is indeed a hypoallergenic hybrid - great expense from USA - original story is around 20th October last year if you want to dig into the archives. I still haven't worked out how to do links in comment. Someone helpfully emailed me with the useful advice that you 'just go into html mode'. I tried that but I started to hallucinate so I had to stop.

It's ironic that I spend all this money an an allergy-free pet and then spend all day in the British Library's rare books room where everyone is sneezing all the time. Pity they didn't know more about allergies back in the 1790's eh!

I hope your visit means that you'll be blogging again. I'll pop over and see if you're in.

xxx

Pants

Verna Wilder said...

I love your painting! I love the colors and the little squares and the myopia-ness of it. Now I'm going to download and read your chapter.

I found your blog through Wise Web Woman and am looking forward to reading more.

witnessing am i said...

Dear Pants,

This is lovely, really a lovely painting. It is no Klimt, but it is more than that. There is such depth in the simplicity of it. There is such beauty here, the movement of colors.

Wow.

David

That's so pants said...

Hello Verna Wilder

The welcome mat at House of Pants is automatically extended for any friend of Wise Web Woman, especially one so charming.

This is my (retropsectively) best laid plan. Pull em in with the accessible art ...

Hello WAI and warm welcomings.

I've heard so much about you already. Klimt's beautiful landscapes are a far horizon for such as Pants. I present to you my faltering first steps on the road to achieving Klimptomania. I am planning on allocating a portion of the rest of my life to landscape painting in the Klimpt mode so I hope I will improve over time. And my eyesight can only get worse. I may make Monet before I'm done. Who knows?

xxx

Pants

NMJ said...

hey pants, so the boundaries will stay blurred & i must content myself with still wondering about barney's hypoallergenic properties (i don't think he really is!).
.
yes, i realised the painting is your own, just so taken by its beauty, & wondering how the hell you can paint without contacts in.

you can write AND paint AND sing, why are you not the leader of the country?

x

Minx said...

Is that a blurred Pear of Pants as well, to the right?

Clever stuff, Miss Klimptomaniac, reminds me of the ribbon wall at Eden.

That's so pants said...

Hi NMJ

I did ask Scrooge McDuck to meet me for dinner in Uppity Street, Islington but he refused! So that's why I'm not running the country. He's not going to make THAT mistake again.


Hi Minx

No, actually that would be a Monarch butterfly. Nice try though.

xxx

Pants
xxx

Pants

Ms Baroque said...

Dear Pants,

You are, of course, a genius.

Am I really the only onwe to remarl on how cute Klimt was, and what a waste never to have known that all these years?

Hmm...

KEBx

Ellee said...

Good luck with your painting. I was at a party last weekend and met a lovely woman of 60 who is studying for a degree in art after spending her life as a geography teacher. I've heard of this happening to other women too, forced to take up jobs they didn't want to when they really just wanted to study art.
I wrote a post this week about how you would want to spend the last six months of your life if told you had a terminal illness, so I guess you have answered that here.
Saw you at janejill's and will ad dyou to my blogroll.

That's so pants said...

Hi Ms B

How ARE you? I thought we'd lost you to Connecticut forever. Klimt in his caftan! What a look eh?

Hello Ellie and welcome. I feel a bit of a fraud now as my 'painting' although an original which began life as a kodak, owes more to Gimp than to Klimt! I wouldn't mind studying art though.

xxx

Pants

Quink said...

Lovely! I am filled with admiration for that cat.

That's so pants said...

Hi Quinkie

I agree entirely. Mastering the Klimpt cross-eyed glare to camera can 't have been easy.

That's so pants said...

Hi again Ellie

Thanks for the compliment. The link here didn't lead me to your blog so I'm unable to find a way to visit you personally. Perhaps you'll be so kind as to let me know how I can access your blog. I'd like to visit.

xxx

Pants

Wisewebwoman said...

Ah, the many talents of Pants doled out to her breathless fans!
Beautiful drenched colours, I find myself brightening just by looking at them! Way-to-go!!!

That's so pants said...

Hi WWW

Glad you liked it. As I said it's more Gimped than Klimt but if it makes people happy...

xxx

Pants

trousers said...

Neo-successionists - I like it!

I was once in a group of artists who decided to name ourselves: so many groups, or studios, had all these smart-sounding acronyms and whatever else so, in order to avoid sticking out like a sore thumb, we came up with our own.

BAMBI'S GONADS

Which was Brilliant And Modest Bombastic Individuals...Great, Original, New And (dammit I've forgotten the rest!)

Anyway I enjoyed reading these musings.

That's so pants said...

Hi Trousers

Bambi's Gonads! I want to join.

xxx

Pants