Saturday, February 03, 2007

A big boy did it and claimed parliamentary privilege

Last Friday, our Prime Minister was interviewed by police for the second time about whether or not his Government took money from wealthy friends in return for the promise of ‘honours’, you know, knighthoods – the things you’re supposed to get for a life spent in public service rather than five minutes spent writing out a cheque. Call me an old fuddy duddy but I think being interviewed by the police for what amounts to fraud, is really quite a major incident yet Tony ‘Blah Blah’ Blair didn’t even bother to mention it until a week later. Like a teenager caught with a spliff, he’s defaulted to eye rolling and moaning about everyone making such a big deal out of nothing.

The way he spun it on our BBC this morning you might have deduced that the whole thing was taking place in an episode of The Bill rather than Downing street,

‘It is entirely up to the police when they conclude their inquiry but let us hope that it is soon. When it is I will happily talk about it. But let me say to the public that you should not believe everything that is ricocheting around the media.’

You’d be forgiven for concluding that the police were simply conducting a house to house search of the Westminster area in general to see if anyone had noticed a neighbour popping down to the engravers with all their silverware immediately after depositing a large brown envelope through the letter box at No. 10 Downing Street. The way Blah Blah tells it, it’s really nothing to do with him at all and hasn’t anyone noticed that he has a very important job to do and no time whatever to be playing silly games with mischievous journalists,

‘It is totally understanding that this is very distracting and obsessive for the media but it is not for me. The best thing to do is to wait for it to conclude and get on with my job, he sighed.

I would very much like the public to know that the big pile of dirty dishes in my kitchen is nothing to do with me. If the police find there is a link between me and those duty dishes I will be happy to comment on it then but, until such times as the police turn up some solid evidence that I am responsible for my dirty dishes stockpile, I think the public should give me the benefit of the doubt and the media should be ashamed of themselves and turn their attention to tracking down the real criminals.

Blah Blah seemed to achieve yet another degree of separation with this,

I'm not going to beg for my character in front of anyone... People can make their own minds up.

Perhaps it was not he that was interviewed by the police but Buttons from Cinderella. If he keeps this up he could have a post prime ministerial career as Kevin Bacon.

So, it’s a case of I didn’t do it and anyway I wasn’t there and don’t even know what you’re talking about, besides I didn’t realise that being nice to your friends was against the law or could make you unpopular,

‘I am not going to get into the situation where I am pleading for my integrity, not even in front of the British people... I like to be liked but you realise after a time that you cannot please all the people all the time.’

People simply do not realise how difficult it is to buy back your integrity once you have hocked it. But then he seems to have a change of heart, fessing up and pleading for corporal punishment.

‘You realise that you have a choice of either bending whichever which way or try to do what you think is right and hold to it.’

Give that very naughty boy a jolly good spanking auntie and don’t forget to put on your fishnets…

Tony Blair as played by Nigel Molesworth


Clar said...

He thinks he's teflon man. I'm up for doing the spanking.

That's so pants said...

Oooh errr matron - he's all yours.