Being a supermodel must be an extremely tough job. First you have to get up, provided someone has remembered to courier over at least £10,000 by midday. Then you have to stand still while someone else throws one or two items of clothing on you and flatirons your hair extensions. Shortly thereafter you are required to walk around a bit at which point a lot of people whoop at you and take your photo for, well, walking around a bit. After all that tough work is over, you must party. Hello! Magazine expects it of you. I don’t know how they do it.
‘I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Anna. This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her.’
What ordinary folk fail to realise is that highly strung people like to throw things. The mobile or ‘cell’ as the Americans call it, is the perfect projectile, being heavy enough to cause brain damage and light enough to avoid potential muscle damage to yourself. This is essential if waving your arms about is your stock in trade. How awful to think that unique swaying technique that The Strangler has perfected over twenty years of gruelling catwalking might be ruined by just one altercation with a slothful and insignificant subordinate.
Given her previous, The Strangler was lucky to walk away without a jail term. Fellow phone thrower Russell ‘Crowbar’ Crowe ended up paying about US$6 million for his little telecoms tantrum in 2005 but The Strangler was only required to outlay US$363. Ms Scolavino was obviously advised before taking up employment with The Strangler to invest in a comprehensive private health package. It is also believed that the
The Strangler also received a five day community service order which could prove slightly more worrying for some unlucky city employees, or indeed anyone within a fifty mile radius of
She must also attend a two day Anger Management course which could be even more problematic. It is believed that former Strangler boyfriend Robert DeNiro who starred in the Hollywood film Anger Management, has been approached for technical advice but told CBS that he would rather be put on a desert island with Lucky Luciano and Hannibal Lecter with no food or cigars. CBS have people working on his idea as I write. So, the question remains – who will teach The Strangler to think about the sky and count down slowly from ten? Answers on a bullet proof postcard if you please. Meanwhile, CBS have come up with a new idea for a reality TV series called Celebrity Serial Killer. It has a certain ring to it wouldn’t you say?
Naomi Cartoon from www.quepasa.com